Tuesday, October 20, 2009

too many things happened. want to write everything here but will be damn long. so i give up. not gonna write much about thoughts and stuff..

but smth happened recently which made me question myself whether i'm actually being with the right ppl. as in my friends. i dunno how i've been treating them. am i cherishing them? i think i do. just that maybe sometimes i appear not to. i dunno. cos somehow i dun really feel like i'm being appreciated.

i waited. so long. but none of them actually bothered. so i gave up. and decided to hang out with becky. i dunno is it just me? or do they forget their friends that easily? why do i always have to be the one left behind? waiting. forgotten.

i hate that damn feeling. being left behind and forgotten.

felt angry, irritated and somewhere inside, hurt.

and so even though my weekend was supposed to be a fun one since exams are over and i had a bbq, i felt miserable. it sucked. a lot. at bbq i couldn't even eat. just ate a bit of bee hoon, chicken, beef, curry and 2 cups of drinks. and stoned in front of the tv thinking. even on sunday. when we waited so damn long just for one person so we could all go to service together. that stupid person decided to go to another one without us. is that the way ppl are supposed to be treated? friends? i dun think so. and then i spent the nxt 15 mins being pissed at that person and the whole day thinking about everything that happened.

not blaming anyone for anything. just think about it. is that the way you treat your friends? cos if you dun wan ppl to treat you that way then dun treat others that way. yeah. maybe you have commitments or smth. you're supposed to go somewhere else. sure. but the thing is they didn't even bother looking during break time. i had to go find them and saw a bunch of them there eating together. that's wad pisses me off. like wth.

it hurts man. i just realised.

and now. great. i'll be left behind again. alone. whole empty big damn house to myself. how nice. while my dad and sis fetch my mum to eat together and send her to church for meeting. and here i have to buy my own food and eat. myself. alone

thanks man. thanks a lot.

Posted by chris:) at 4:51:00 PM